I suppose everyone wants something different out of their Zen practice. Perhaps some want to gain enlightenment so that all their problems will go away and then they'll be totally and permanently happy. Or maybe some people want to get enlightened because it would be just as cool as getting a Tesla. Or maybe they want to be enlightened to get the nice colored robes and prestige. Others might want to save all sentient beings. Some want to be a healing influence in the world. Recently I've been thinking that I would be happy if I did not make the situations I find myself in even worse.
I would like a more reliably appropriate response to stimuli to act. It's pretty obvious to someone who studies the AT that this can mean grace and ease in movement, to always move in such a way as not to harm oneself. Appropriate responses can be to move efficiently and safely. This way of moving is easy and really fun.
What is not so obvious is that responses to stimuli also include responces in emotionally charged situations. I'm mostly challenged in interpersonal interactions, but I suppose it should include moral and ethical quandaries as well. In any event, responding inappropriately can hurt everyone involved and leads to acquiring regrets. I'm not sure what the Buddhist teaching on regrets is, but I'll bet some Buddhist teachers primarily recommend prevention.
For some of us, appropriate responses are difficult. For one thing, we have limited information about the world. Our interpretation of our senses are not very reliable. We can know so little about the world, and other people are quite mysterious. And then there are all our neuroses created in our upbringing.
My question is where is the balance between inhibition and spontaneity Where is the balance between stopping the habitual, self serving, unconscious response and trusting our instincts, being in the moment and avoiding our habits of repression?
I have been brought up to be mind centric. I grew up in an IBM culture and all my childhood pencils had THINK printed in them. In my youth I tried to channel Spock, but this never worked very well.
In those of us with strong tendencies to respond in inappropriate ways there has to be some hesitation. We have to work to create some space between stimuli and response We really have to learn to hesitate before screaming at a driver who just cut us off. Otherwise we are a slave to our habits - a beast in a human body who has no chance at making the world a better place.
But practiced alone, inhibition can lead to repression. I'm not sure how much help my years in a Zen monastery were. I could mostly avoid difficult interpersonal situations, and when I did find myself challenged my practice seemed to reinforce my self repression. My practice on the cushion was to try to ignore everything other than counting my breaths. Working closely with a teacher would have been helpful, but I avoided this and managed to fall through the cracks. That I had quite a bit of stomach, back and neck pain is not surprising. I had no idea who I was and was afraid to be honest with myself let alone share myself with other people. Please forgive me for writing personal thoughts, but I'm trying to establish my credentials as someone with room for improvement when it comes to responding appropriately in a difficult situation.
Monastic Zen practice, with its emphasis on downcast eyes, ritualized interactions, uniformity and silence has a tendency to be self repressive. When combined with a 'mind based' practice of mindfulness it can become way too introspective That there is no body based teaching in Zen practice also does not help. It's our body that brings us back into the world, back to interacting with others. Doing without a body based practice is like learning to walk with one leg. If one works at it long enough and one will learn to get by OK with one leg - it may not even feel like a deficit at some point.
It think this lack of physical teaching is being noticed. Yoga is being combined with Zen much more commonly than it was 10 years ago. But yoga is not what is missing. Yoga is not practiced constantly and will not help when one finds oneself in quickly evolving emotional situations. It takes quite a bit of time and effort and can be dangerous. It does not directly address the question of how to be upright. It does not address habits. It does not share the fundamental underpinnings of Zen practice. It takes quite a bit of time from other more important activities.
The AT, and not yoga, is the other leg that Zen practice needs in the US.
To understand how the AT can help with appropriate responses it is absolutely essential to adhere to the tenant of mind/body unity. To really understand this principle deeply is very improtant. I proved it to myself in the middle of a seven day Zen sitting a few years ago. Durring a break, I lied down, with my head propped up about an inch and with my feet on the floor, knees and hips bent. And I set out to leave myself alone - to not do anything but keep my eyes open. Inevitably, my mind wandered off on some trail of thoughts. At the same moment that I woke up to the fact that I had wandered off I simultaneously became aware of a growing tension in a particular area of my body - my shoulder. As the residue of this distraction evaporated in the light of my attention, my shoulder also relaxed. And the process then repeated itself. Since then, I have never found any significant mental perseveration that was not accompanied by physical tension. Mostly, now when things are not going well for me, I notice the disquietude as neither physical or mental, but as a unified sensation - an unpleasant sensation thought my body/mind, throughout my self.
When I started out as a student of the AT, I was taught that I should practice the inhibition of end-gaining and directions prior to getting out of a chair. But as time went on, I realized that these tools are to be practiced constantly. When these tools are used increasingly consistently, it has effects on both the tonic and phasic state of the body/mind.
We all have characteristic ways of using our bodies that involve shortening and narrowing and begin with the misuse patterns one sees in the startle reflex. Inhibition and direction results in raising the intention to expanding the body in an opposite way from the characteristic ways of shortening and narrowing. When practiced continuously there is less tension, restriction and contraction in the tonic state of the body/mind. There is more openness, more engagement with the environment. There is less fear. The startle response is blunted. Homeostasis is not challenged.
I believe that continual inhibition and direction will erode our tendencies to react in habitual ways that lead to regrets. As these habits erode we become less self centered and can see reality more objectively. As our neuroses erode with our more upright use. Our reactions to stimili are no longer distorted by poor use. We can then begin to trust our spontaneous first reactions and feel a bit less need for inhibition.
Perhaps I am being too critical of yoga. It will lead to greater flexibility of the hips - if one avoids injury- and one should be able to sit in the full lotus a bit faster than one would otherwise. If that is what people want out of their Zen practice well very good.
But if one wants to be a healing influence in the world, one should cancel the Tuesday and Thursday yoga classes for a few months, and instead study the AT. Then one can learn how to be upright not only on the cushion but in ones interactions with others. Then one can become a healing influence in the world.
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